Book Summary: "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie

I read this book last summer in 2020, and more recently I was reflecting upon the notes I had taken then. It reminded me how useful the key principals were of this book, and this blog post will cherry-pick some of the key messages that Dale Carnegie delivers.

1. Give honest and sincere appreciation
Taken from the section on the "Fundamental Techniques in Handling People", this point refers to how one should appreciate and praise others. When expressing your support towards someone, it should be done genuinely so that you mean what you say. A quote from the book that sums this up well is 'Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise, and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime - repeat them years after you have forgotten them'.

2. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
Remember that people are (generally) always more interested in themselves than they are about what you have to say, so use that to your advantage when trying to start a conversation! Encourage them to talk about themselves, and listen to what they have to say sincerely. Another great point that Dale Carnegie raises is 'remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language'. When talking to others, make it personal. If someone were to ask me about how my day went, or what my plans are this weekend, it would make me feel good. So keep that in mind when deciding what direction to take a conversation in.

3. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view
As seen by the media in this day and age, the truth can easily be twisted or miswritten, making this piece of advice from Carnegie important. He suggests that one should go into conversation with an open mind, and understand that you might be wrong in this case. It ties in nicely with the idea of anekantavada, a theory in Jainism referring to 'non one-sidedness'. It states that there is no such thing as a single truth, and every single person will have their own version of the truth depending on the lens that they are viewing it from. So next time you find yourself in an argument (try to avoid one in the first place!) or debate, try to see things from another angle.

4. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly
The final section on "Be a Leader" refers to various ways you can direct a team, whether that be at work, for a society at university, or your local sports club. If someone makes an error, you should try call it out but in a discrete way. This could be through asking them questions on their work (and often they will then spot their own mistake) or by reminding them what the overall goal is of the task. As a leader, it is key to use encouragement rather than criticism. It also goes back to the idea in point one about being 'hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise'. Implementing this in your management strategy will keep positive relations with others and reduce the chance of disgareement.

Despite the first edition of this book being written in 1936, the principles that it teaches still stand today. The above 4 messages give a flavour of what Dale Carnegie wrote about, and I recommend you read the full book to get all the details behind his messages. I personally have made a single page summary of the book, which is on my wall to remind me how I can develop my relationships with people. Thanks for reading!